Some bits of humour:

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A man with a toad on this head enters the doctor's room.
- What are you complaining about? - asks the doctor.
- Something has sticked to my asshole, - replies the toad.

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A man cannot decide where to go after his death - to heaven or to hell. The purgatory manager shows him heaven first: all sit still and eat porridge, no talks, no laughter. Then he shows the hell: all have fun, drinking wine, women around, good music playing.
The man makes his decision: "To the hell, of course."
Upon the arrival to the hell he is thrown into a boiling water, and, sure enough, he starts yelling: "That is not what I was shown!"
"Sure, man! That was just a promotional clip" - comes the answer.

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After a lifetime of hand-copying ancient texts, an elderly monk became abbot of his monastery. Realizing that for centuries his order had been making copies of copies, he decided to examine some of the monastery's original documents.
Days later, the other monks found him in the cellar, weeping over a crumbling manuscript and moaning, “It says celebrate, not celibate.”

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Why there are no devils guarding the pot with Latvians in the hell? – Because they will not themselves let anybody to get out.

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Whatever is the discipline and the topic of scholarly research, the result is a weapon.

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You can achieve much more with a pistol and a good word than just with a good word.

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The Bible teaches us to love our closest. Kamasutra instructs us, how to do it.

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A sponsor is a person, who feels it much more comfortable to get rid of money than to explain, how did he get it.

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There are less and less people with good manners, who are not trying to sell you something.

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It is unhealthy to smoke, disgusting - to drink, but it grieves to die in a good shape.

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A friend's wife is always better than the wife's friend.

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­ I am telling you to come tomorrow. But you keep on coming today.

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Two snakes are slithering down a pathway and one says to the other: "Hey, do you know if we are poisonous?"
to which the other snake replies: "I don't know, why do you ask?"
and the first snake says: "Well, I just bit my lip!!!"

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(There are four regions in Lithuania, and here is a short characteristics of the inhabitants: Highlands ­ boastful, swaggering, Lowlands ­ slow-minded, Suvalkija ­ thrifty, niggardly, and Dzukija ­ poor, compassionate.)

Four men ­ from Suvalkija, Dzukija, Highlands and Lowlands ­ have to jump with a parachute. They are told to count till 10 and then to pull the ring.
Suvalkian jumps out and thinks: "I shall make trousers for me and dress for my wife from the parachute material."
Dzukian thinks: "God, let me get down so that no mushroom is spoiled."
Highlander thinks: "Oh, I wish that all village girls would stare at me flying with this bright parachute."
Lowlander falls into hay-stack and says: "Six".

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Suvalkian has to take his urine for the analyses. He takes 3 l pot full of urine to the laboratory. When asked, why so much, he answers: "So that no one would think of me as of a niggard." On his way back home he has again the 3 l pot full of urine. When asked, why, he says: "They found some sugar in it."

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Suvalkian makes a party, many guests are invited. First he serves sandwiches. After some time he asks: "Should I bring the turkey?" Guests think, that they are not yet ready for the main course and say "not yet." After some time the host asks again: "Should I bring the turkey?" Now guests are ready for the main course, and they say "yes". The host says to his wife: "Take the turkey in and let him eat the bread-crumbs!"

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There is a subway in Tallinn. The voice of the driver: "Aaaaattentiiiiioooooon, the doooooor is cloooooosinnnnng! The neeeeext staaaaatiiiiiooooon ........ oh, the next station!"

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A new breed ­ Estonian greyhound. Good for hunting of wounded earth-worms and snails.

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Hi, Toomas! ­ I am not Toomas. ­ Aren't you Toomas? We met some day. ­ We have never met. ­ How it comes we have never met? You were in Tallinn. ­ No, I have never been in Tallinn. ­ Well, I have never been in Talllinn, too. ­ Well, you see! It was some other two men.

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A tourist travels to Tallinn. He stops a horse-driven wagon with an old Estonian. "Is it far to Tallinn?" ­ "No, not very far. I can take you into my wagon." After five hours of travelling the tourist asks: "Where is Tallinn? Is it far?" ­ "Yes, now it is far."

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Why has Estonia moved so far? ­ There is not a single Latvian in the government there.

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Are Hungarians the same as Estonians? ­ Five thousand years ago they were the same. Then they moved from Siberia westwards, until they stopped at the crossroads. There was a pole with a road-sign, which read: "To the left ­ South, sunny, warmth, wine, Hungary. To the right ­ North, cold, wet, sea, pilchards, Estonia". Those who could read, are Hungarians now.

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A Chukchee father before his death gives advice to his son: "Give honour to your mother, look after the reindeer and always defend Estonians." ­ "Why should I defend Estonians?" ­ "When the last Estonian dies, we shall be the most foolish people in the world."

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Three friends walk through a forest in Scandinavia; one from Denmark, other is from Sweden and the last fellow is from Finland. Suddenly, they come across an elephant in the forest.
Dane starts to think: "Hmm, what is he doing here, I thought no elephants are living here, weird..."
Swede, on the other hand, makes a different approach to the situation: "What do we have here! Let's see how can I make some money from this..." 
But the Finn was curious more then others: "Oh, an elephant!...I wonder what is he thinking about me!"

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Please, send me your best anecdotes: mukti@latnet.lv